she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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