I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
