You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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