I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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