I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
