The maid of honor just puked.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
