i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
