Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
