I puked a lego.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
