you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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