So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
