I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
only if we run a train.
done.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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