Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize