I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
