Are we in a gay sports bar?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
