If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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