I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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