My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize