Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
