I need help removing her.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
