You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
