It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We named our party play list daddy issues
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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