You work out of a Hotel?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
