You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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