Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
