I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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