I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
