Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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