I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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