I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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