I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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