just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Houston, we have a blender
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
