you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
