Your tits are I can't wait for
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
