She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
