i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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