I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
