either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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