So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
