Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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