Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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