if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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