What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
