well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Of course I have a pirate flag
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
