hotel room ftw
I hate your face
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
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