I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
