My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize