i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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