I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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