Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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