There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
