you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
