Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
