all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
