1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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