Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
