I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
