I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
last night I used snow as a chaser
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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