I puked a lego.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He felt like a one man threesome
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just invented taco cereal.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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