Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
