Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
