she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
