Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize