You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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