Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
