Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
