have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
