I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
