She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
