One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i now understand why vodka
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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