It's Friday. Sex?
I puked a lego.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
