I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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