ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
