he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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