The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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