Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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