DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
