He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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